WWWD (What Would Walt Do?)

By now we have no doubt all had a fun and explosion filled 4th of July! Hot dogs were grilled, beer was drunk, and patriotism was celebrated unabashedly around the country! At least until the next day when we get back to calling each other un-American. But truthfully, it was a celebration to be had! And what better way for this blog to celebrate all things American than cheer on one of the most dignified and long standing traditions this great nation has to offer... CAPITALISM! Specifically, capitalism in the form of DISNEY  TAKING OVER THE FRICKIN WORLD! (ed note: Uncommon Stupidity is henceforth a subsidiary of Walt Disney Inc. ™)

So, what do I mean by taking over the world? Well, not literally obviously. Yet. But the entertainment world, well that's a different story. It all begins in the grand ol' year of 1989. It was in this year that an event popularly called The Disney Renaissance began. You see, before this time, Disney had had a record number of mediocre movies. While many of these such as Robin Hood, Fox and the Hound and The Black Cauldron are fondly remembered by the people who love them, they are widely seen inferior to those movies that came before them, and they did not gross nearly the amount that many of the other classic animated pictures did. 

Disney went back to the drawing board. Literally. They tasked several relatively new blooded animation and story teams with pitching fresh and new ideas. Of these ideas, several were made, and became moderate successes. The Great Mouse Detective and The Rescuers Down-under proved that the teams were capable, but it wasn't until their next feature that things really took off. The Little Mermaid smashed all expectations and became both a critical and financial darling. From there, they only hit it bigger with movies like Beauty and the Beast, which was the first ever animated film to be nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars, and The Lion King, which for a very long time was the highest grossing animated movie ever made. And all throughout the 90's the hits kept coming with every movie that the studio turned out being a smash success. It seemed as though Disney could do no wrong. Or could they? No. Not for another couple of years at least. ENTER PIXAR!!!

Accurate.

All throughout the Renaissance, a small computer animation house called Pixar skulked in the shadows watching the massive successes that their traditionally animated cousins garnered. They however, had little of that. For before 1993, computer animation was seen as a gimmick; a cool thing to use for certain movies, but nothing to bank on. That all changed once Jurassic Park came out. The movie, produced by Universal Studios, was the stuff of legends. It single-handedly revolutionized  the world of CG effects, and became the highest grossing film of all time in short order. This galvanized Pixar into pushing for their longtime dream; a fully CG animated feature length film. 

When they first presented this to their partners at Disney, they were laughed into the corner. It was a completely untested idea, and yet they pressed forward. Eventually being given funding, they managed to produce the worlds first full length animated movie, Toy Story. Of course, as we all know, it became a sensation. A sensation which left Disney clamoring for more. Both companies entered into an exclusive partnership with each other, ensuring that ones success was the others as well. For a while, things were good. Until the trouble happened. 

In the early 2000's, Disney began to hit a rough patch. Their movies began to dry up again, and creativity began to hit an all time low. Around this time, then CEO Michael Eisner was reportedly jealous of the hits that Pixar kept churning out, as well as their rivals at Dreamworks whose latest box office success Shrek was masterminded by several ex-Disney employees. This made Eisner wary of Pixar growing disillusioned with their partnership, and he made an attempt to strong-arm them into either another long term contract, or a hostile buyout. It was only through the influence of former Pixar patron Steve (mutha-f'n) Jobs that they were able to stave off the sudden hostility. This move INFURIATED the Disney Board of Directors, who swiftly moved to remove Eisner from his position. Although they were unsuccessful, the damage was done, and the next year in 2005, Eisner stepped down from his position, to be replaced by Bob Iger.

So what was Disney to do in this situation? They needed to recoup their losses from their failing animation line-ups, and had to repair their relationship with Pixar. So they did what any great American company would do. They rolled several thousand wheel-barrels full of cash onto Pixar's lawn. $7.4 Billion to be exact. With that, Disney now fully owned Pixar, and thus, their answer to so many problems in their future took hold. Soon, Disney had recouped nearly all its losses, and now had dollar signs in their eyes. Where others saw changing in trends, they only saw opportunity. Superhero movies began to become bigger and bigger successes at the box office with Sony's Spider-Man films and Fox's X-Men series being huge money makers. Marvel Studios, a film group formed by the comic company itself, had recently come out with Iron Man, which became a surprise success, and teased a massive future to come. This is where Disney saw their golden ticket. 

Swiftly entering negotiations, they acquired Marvel in 2009 to the tune of $4 Billion, nearly doubling their amount of usable trademarked properties. Although they did not own the film rights to every character, they made due with who they did have, and churned out smash hit after smash hit. Although briefly partnered with Paramount Pictures due to several already in development films being bought out, they eventually took the reigns of Marvel Studios fully, and are now the sole financier of the movies. With the release and subsequent domination of The Avengers, and a thorough multi-movie universe in place, Disney set about to acquire another gigantic media enterprise. Star Wars.

The acquisition of Lucasfilm for $4 Billion, and therefore the Star Wars and Indiana Jones properties cemented Disney's reputation in Hollywood as a company that was not afraid to throw money around to get what they wanted. This, especially after the commencement of a new Star Wars trilogy, the first film of which earned over $2 Billion by itself, proved that Disney's investments where paying off immensely. This made them a very dangerous company. Sony and Fox, who owned the rights to a good amount of Marvel's coveted characters, went to great lengths to ensure that the rights would stay with them. However, with the failure of 2014's Amazing Spider-Man 2, Sony's grip on the Spider-Man franchise wavered, and they eventually entered into a joint-use deal with Disney that allowed Spider-Man to appear in the Marvel Universe movies. Disney's attention now turned to Fox.

Although they've had several missteps along the way, Fox's ownership of the X-Men franchise has been met with both critical and fan approval. Fantastic Four.... less so. But either way, their retention of the properties was much more set in stone due to the movies they produced being box office successes. So what was Disney to do? They wanted to have all the Marvel Characters under one roof after all. Oh, I don't know, I suppose they could just BUY THE WHOLE COMPANY! In a record $51.2 Billion bid, Disney entered into negotiations to buy out all of 21st Century Fox and its subsidiaries, except for Fox News (ed note: Because obviously.) Not to be outdone, Comcast, the parent company of NBCUniversal, decided that it wanted in on the action and outbid Disney with a bid of $65 Billion. Disney counter-offered with a bid of $71.3 Billion. Comcast crawled into a hole and was last heard yelling about why it can't have nice things.

And thus, we arrive at the present time. Disney soon stands to own Fox, which would put them in the decisive lead for most valuable media company in the world. And what does this all equal? Horror. Absolute horror. You see, if... when Disney owns Fox, they will have proven themselves nearly unstoppable. Their only major competitors are Time Warner and Comcast, and they have up and down years just like most corporations. But Disney doesn't. Disney is unbeatable. Just last year, they posted a $6 Billion box office earn report. That is just for their movies. Including their television, toy and theme park earnings, they made over $45 Billion in revenue. And 2017 was considered a slow year for them. 

It does appear that Disney can do no wrong. With Black Panther and Avengers: Infinity War already crossing $1 Billion each this year, and several other high profile movies coming down the line before the year is up, it seems that the money train isn't stopping anytime soon. Are you ready for a world where Disney owns all media? Because with the way trends are going, that very well could happen. Its rather humorous to think that one of the most endearing childhood icons could be the mascot to such a large and seemingly endless empire.

To paraphrase Thanos, "Dread it. Run from it. The Mouse arrives all the same..."