So it has come down to it at last. The final nail in the coffin. The ending waltz on the dance floor. The last Pringle in the can. Or something. Either way, we have sworn in another president, we have upheld our particularly American brand of Democracy, and we are all certainly awaiting every politician to be taken into custody, executed, and then for Trump to rule forever. Q just has to be correct right? The track record is.... stunning? Pictured: Q at his computer, or something. Creator: Rembrandt | Credit: Hermitage Either way, our country has reached the dawning of a new administration. An event that has happened 45 previous times, and will undoubtedly happen many many more. But along the way, there was a bit of... discourse, if you could call it that. Most of it was spurned on by the greatest of all threats in this day and age, the Keyboard Warriors. Yes, this multi-class, 12th level, 5h Edition DnD champion has, for the last 5-6 years at least, had an alarmingly large a
QUICK! How many have seen Disney's Hercules? 1, 2, 4... Okay, that's at least 10 people. Didn't want to make a post no one cared about.
I any case, what do I remember about Hercules? The Disney version of course. Well, he is the son of doting father Zeus who is sent down from Mount Olympus to live as a mortal because the evil nasty Hades was, jealous, or something. So Zeus, who is totally so sweet guys, sends him away as a child to protect him. Over time, Hercules grows up, becomes a strapping young man, learns of his secret lineage, and eventually, confronts Hades and stops him from releasing the Titans, ancient mythological beasts of pure hatred and destruction. Along the way, he is assisted by a wise cracking Satyr, a WOKE-AF strong woman named Meg, and a funny, dog-like Pegasus. Its only after defeating Hades and the Titans that he is allowed to take his godhood and earn his rightful place on Mount Olympus.
Sounds plenty wholesome! Fun for the whole family! I bet the kids want to learn more about Hercules now. Well lets just crack open this Mythology textbook here. Hrm... so Hercules was part god and part human, literally. Okay, that's kind of touched on in the movie. Wonder how Zeus and his mom met. Probably something nice and cute and... oh... oh no. Okay, so maybe Zeus wasn't entirely accurate. But surely Hades was this horrible despicable monster with zero redeemable qualities! Whats that? He was probably the least jerky of all the Greek gods? Well, I heard he kidnapped a woman and made her his wife! And... she was treated very nicely and wonderfully by him for the rest of their days and he only did so out of extreme loneliness because of how he was relegated to an underworld with no company. Okaaaaay, so Hades isn't really that accurate either. The Titans! Of course! That's the crux of Hades evil plan! No doubt there is some accurac- oh for crying out loud! Prometheus, a TITAN created and cared for Humanity and it was Zeus along with his brothers Poseidon and HADES who overthrew them! And that was just because one of them, Cronus, was a bit of a d-bag. Well, at least I can be rest assured that Hercules, our MAIN HERO is what Disney portrays him as! Nothing could sway from that indisputable fact!
Well, that's certainly horrifying. WHAT THE HELL DISNEY! I mean, it's one thing to take stories and alter them for your purposes to make them a little more family friendly, but in the case of Hercules, the ENTIRE mythology was fundamentally changed (ed note: And his Greek name was Heracles. Just sayin). And there is a bigger issue at work. Something that many don't think of when you see how butchered this thing ended up. This used to be peoples actual religion. Like, not just stories. These mythologies were taken as literal fact for the people of Ancient Greece. That would be like someone in a thousand years making up a story about Jesus wielding a machine gun against the combined forces of Satan and Allah in a fight for the Vatican. (ed note: I think I just made some Conservatives VERY aroused) This is offensive when you get down to it, because it commits something that I have previously ranted about: revisionist history.
For those that need a quick refresher, revisionist history is when we begin to change and alter things about history to suit our more modern sensibilities. So pretty much, we change our view on people, not because we find out more about their lives, but because by modern standards, they wouldn't be acceptable. This is both wrong, and stupid. Things should always be looked at through the lens of history, because that's when these things actually happened. So, having a company take an established ancient religion, and alter it for their own purposes into a modern and family friendly product, is pretty much the definition of revisionist history. The original stuff was too grim and not politically correct, so lets change it! Yay!
You may be asking, "what's the problem? It's not like anyone really cares about these ancient religions anymore!" And I would tell you, please sit down Mitchell, your parents will be here to pick you up shortly. The whole point I'm trying to make is that these things set precedent. As I said up above, what's stopping Christianity from being abused the same way down the line? Or Buddhism? Catholicism? Islam? Any number of "outdated beliefs" could be up for grabs in the next 100 or 1000's of years. So you may say, what do you care, you won't be around any longer. But I could ask one-hundred people if they would mind if their corpse was stuffed and paraded around the local market, and I can guarantee you that a good majority of them would be appalled at that notion. But why should they care? They aren't around any longer.
I any case, what do I remember about Hercules? The Disney version of course. Well, he is the son of doting father Zeus who is sent down from Mount Olympus to live as a mortal because the evil nasty Hades was, jealous, or something. So Zeus, who is totally so sweet guys, sends him away as a child to protect him. Over time, Hercules grows up, becomes a strapping young man, learns of his secret lineage, and eventually, confronts Hades and stops him from releasing the Titans, ancient mythological beasts of pure hatred and destruction. Along the way, he is assisted by a wise cracking Satyr, a WOKE-AF strong woman named Meg, and a funny, dog-like Pegasus. Its only after defeating Hades and the Titans that he is allowed to take his godhood and earn his rightful place on Mount Olympus.
Sounds plenty wholesome! Fun for the whole family! I bet the kids want to learn more about Hercules now. Well lets just crack open this Mythology textbook here. Hrm... so Hercules was part god and part human, literally. Okay, that's kind of touched on in the movie. Wonder how Zeus and his mom met. Probably something nice and cute and... oh... oh no. Okay, so maybe Zeus wasn't entirely accurate. But surely Hades was this horrible despicable monster with zero redeemable qualities! Whats that? He was probably the least jerky of all the Greek gods? Well, I heard he kidnapped a woman and made her his wife! And... she was treated very nicely and wonderfully by him for the rest of their days and he only did so out of extreme loneliness because of how he was relegated to an underworld with no company. Okaaaaay, so Hades isn't really that accurate either. The Titans! Of course! That's the crux of Hades evil plan! No doubt there is some accurac- oh for crying out loud! Prometheus, a TITAN created and cared for Humanity and it was Zeus along with his brothers Poseidon and HADES who overthrew them! And that was just because one of them, Cronus, was a bit of a d-bag. Well, at least I can be rest assured that Hercules, our MAIN HERO is what Disney portrays him as! Nothing could sway from that indisputable fact!
 |
| Hercules stop! Your drunk!!! |
Well, that's certainly horrifying. WHAT THE HELL DISNEY! I mean, it's one thing to take stories and alter them for your purposes to make them a little more family friendly, but in the case of Hercules, the ENTIRE mythology was fundamentally changed (ed note: And his Greek name was Heracles. Just sayin). And there is a bigger issue at work. Something that many don't think of when you see how butchered this thing ended up. This used to be peoples actual religion. Like, not just stories. These mythologies were taken as literal fact for the people of Ancient Greece. That would be like someone in a thousand years making up a story about Jesus wielding a machine gun against the combined forces of Satan and Allah in a fight for the Vatican. (ed note: I think I just made some Conservatives VERY aroused) This is offensive when you get down to it, because it commits something that I have previously ranted about: revisionist history.
For those that need a quick refresher, revisionist history is when we begin to change and alter things about history to suit our more modern sensibilities. So pretty much, we change our view on people, not because we find out more about their lives, but because by modern standards, they wouldn't be acceptable. This is both wrong, and stupid. Things should always be looked at through the lens of history, because that's when these things actually happened. So, having a company take an established ancient religion, and alter it for their own purposes into a modern and family friendly product, is pretty much the definition of revisionist history. The original stuff was too grim and not politically correct, so lets change it! Yay!
You may be asking, "what's the problem? It's not like anyone really cares about these ancient religions anymore!" And I would tell you, please sit down Mitchell, your parents will be here to pick you up shortly. The whole point I'm trying to make is that these things set precedent. As I said up above, what's stopping Christianity from being abused the same way down the line? Or Buddhism? Catholicism? Islam? Any number of "outdated beliefs" could be up for grabs in the next 100 or 1000's of years. So you may say, what do you care, you won't be around any longer. But I could ask one-hundred people if they would mind if their corpse was stuffed and paraded around the local market, and I can guarantee you that a good majority of them would be appalled at that notion. But why should they care? They aren't around any longer.
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| There's a new boy in town now fellas! |
The notion that our past is fair game for exploitation is a terrifying thought. It means that any and everything has a statute of limitation for when it's okay to mock, ridicule and/or change its events to suit your needs. Now that not to say that using the past for certain things is always bad. Museums and many centers for education and science routinely use our ancient and recent history for their benefit, but it is almost always under the pursuit of knowledge and teaching. Their is a great saying that is one of my personal favorites, "Science does not care about your feelings, it just is." I think that this is the lens that we should be looking at history through. Actions have happened, sometimes for reasons we can never truly know. We must always strive to take history in its complete form, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
So you may be wondering, if these ancient histories and myths aren't up for grabs because it may offend someone, then what is? What stories can we tell that would not offend anyone? Well, none. Nothing will ever NOT offend someone. That's just the way things go. But there are new stories of gods and monsters being told as we speak. Ones that have taken over our collective consciousness like nothing has before. We now speak of them the same way that I'm sure many ancient peoples spoke of their heroes; in reverence and honor. Only difference is, we never believed that these stories were real. They were made up by us for reasons that run counterpoint to the original myths. Whereas our ancestors created myths and legends to better explain their history and their views on the world, we have created our own in order to entertain, and speak to concepts that may be difficult to discuss openly, without any veil of the fantastic. Whether they speak of acceptance of who you are, the bravery to do what's right, or the responsibilities that come with great power, our new myths and legends have captured our hearts and minds in ways we didn't think possible.
To be continued in The New Mythologies - Part 2: Age of the Superhero....
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