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Showing posts from July, 2018

Dirty Stinkin' Commies! (And Other Improprieties)

    So it has come down to it at last. The final nail in the coffin. The ending waltz on the dance floor. The last Pringle in the can. Or something. Either way, we have sworn in another president, we have upheld our particularly American brand of Democracy, and we are all certainly awaiting every politician to be taken into custody, executed, and then for Trump to rule forever. Q just has to be correct right? The track record is.... stunning? Pictured: Q at his computer, or something. Creator: Rembrandt  |  Credit: Hermitage     Either way, our country has reached the dawning of a new administration. An event that has happened 45 previous times, and will undoubtedly happen many many more. But along the way, there was a bit of... discourse, if you could call it that. Most of it was spurned on by the greatest of all threats in this day and age, the Keyboard Warriors. Yes, this multi-class, 12th level, 5h Edition DnD champion has, for the last 5-6 years at least, had an alarmingly large a
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The New Mythologies - Part 1: The Old Gods

QUICK ! How many have seen Disney's Hercules ? 1, 2, 4... Okay, that's at least 10 people. Didn't want to make a post no one cared about. I any case, what do I remember about Hercules? The Disney version of course. Well, he is the son of doting father Zeus who is sent down from Mount Olympus to live as a mortal because the evil nasty Hades was, jealous, or something. So Zeus, who is totally so sweet guys, sends him away as a child to protect him. Over time, Hercules grows up, becomes a strapping young man, learns of his secret lineage, and eventually, confronts Hades and stops him from releasing the Titans, ancient mythological beasts of pure hatred and destruction. Along the way, he is assisted by a wise cracking Satyr, a WOKE-AF strong woman named Meg, and a funny, dog-like Pegasus. Its only after defeating Hades and the Titans that he is allowed to take his godhood and earn his rightful place on Mount Olympus. Sounds plenty wholesome! Fun for the whole famil
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My [LIFE] is Broken, May I Purchase Another?

OH EM GEE! Millennials are like, sooooo entitled! They want everything handed to them on a platter! They never wanna work, they are soooooo lazy! It's really no wonder they aren't getting anywhere in the world. I mean, please, you expect to work 50 hours a week and still be able to eat after paying bills? Whatever. So much entitlement you'd swear Vince McMahon owned shares in it. I just can't believe these idiots! I'm so glad I'm not a millennial! Not me! Just a good ol' fashioned 90's kid. Nothing wrong with us whatsoever! (ed note: God it hurt to talk like that. So yeah. Millennials. Your welcome.) Damn young people. Well, I'm back from having that nervous breakdown up there, lets get into some serious discussion now shall we? There have been a bit of hatred and intolerance lately regarding a certain group of people. Am I talking about LGBTQ people? No. No I am not. African-Americans? No. Hispanics? No. Not them. Native Americans? Demo
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For the Empire!

Gather round children. Time for a story!        O nce upon a time, there was a great land, a land so bountiful and pristine, that all who came to it wished to never leave. It provided it's people with all of their needs, no matter the cost. However, this land required you work it to meet those needs. And work it the people did! Far and wide, farmers, builders, woodsmen and all sorts of fine folk flocked forward for fresh and fruitful bounties that would be obtained through hard work, and the sweat off one's brow. But all was not as peaceful as it seemed.       T he dark ones came. They swept over the land and plied their foul magics unto the populace. They brought metal and stone buildings to bear; steam-pipes billowed foul soot into the sky, darkening even the brightest of days. Nature was pushed back in the name of industry; the land itself was molded and warped to suit the needs of the dark ones. Where before a person worked to better their own lives, now they were compel
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Here Today, Gunn Tomorrow

Oh boy. This is a doozy. For those that have been out of the loop and/or don't care, James Gunn, the writer, Producer, Director, Custodian for Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy series has been unceremoniously fired by Disney , and had all ties severed. Well what the hell? Why would they do that? It's not like he wrote tweets about pedophilia and rape... oh he did that? Well. That's all folks. We're done here..... No, not really. We're just getting started! So, James Gunn, who as previously mentioned has garnered massive success with his GOTG series has been under fire due to several (ed note: SEVERAL.) Tweets he made over a number of months around 2007-2008 or so. The content of these tweets, which, for lack of a better term, are disgusting, detail various jokes and comedic scenario's where minors and unwilling participants are involved. Now, obviously these are just jokes, but the issue stands. Not pictured: smut and tastefulness. Due to the fact
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No One Loves Babies More Than [INSERT CORPORATE ENTITY]

Babies. Those cute little roly pollies of meat and drool; everyone loves them! People love them, dogs love them, bears love them... but no one loves them more than HEARTLESS CORPORATION NUMBER 87 ! Nope, not one person, animal or thing can possibly love those little future money spending humans more! This is why they are so invested in their health and well-being! Surely no money- er, good can come from letting these poor helpless creatures suffer right? This is why these heroic corporations must band together and stop one of the most dangerous threats to baby-kind the world has ever seen. They must stop the horror... known as breast feeding.... yeah its gonna be that blog post today. (ed note: Boobies.) This spring in Geneva, Switzerland, the WHO (World Health Organization) met with over a hundred delegates from various nations around the world. Their goal was to sign a worldwide resolution about the importance of promoting breast feeding as the healthiest way of feeding a grow
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WWWD (What Would Walt Do?)

By now we have no doubt all had a fun and explosion filled 4th of July ! Hot dogs were grilled, beer was drunk, and patriotism was celebrated unabashedly around the country! At least until the next day when we get back to calling each other un-American. But truthfully, it was a celebration to be had! And what better way for this blog to celebrate all things American than cheer on one of the most dignified and long standing traditions this great nation has to offer... CAPITALISM! Specifically, capitalism in the form of DISNEY    TAKING OVER THE FRICKIN WORLD! (ed note: Uncommon Stupidity is henceforth a subsidiary of Walt Disney Inc. ™ ) So, what do I mean by taking over the world? Well, not literally obviously. Yet. But the entertainment world, well that's a different story. It all begins in the grand ol' year of 1989 . It was in this year that an event popularly called The Disney Renaissance began. You see, before this time, Disney had had a record number of mediocre m
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Bears, Bushes and Bro-sevelts

It was a sunny morning in the summertime of 1903 . Then President Theodore Roosevelt awoke inside his modest tent and noted the sunshine peering in. As he stepped out, he was greeted by majesty. The trees, taller than one could ever imagine, stretched towards the sky. The mountains, grand and noble, jutted forth at every angle, reminding of the immense power of the earth. The air was fresh and fragrant, birds sounded in the distance punctuated by the creaking of pines and flowing of rivers. A scraggly and bearded man walked up beside him. The man, skinny as he was, had a sinewy strength about him, and his face, lined and hard, spoke tomes about his wisdom and thoughtfulness. The man's name is John Muir. He puts an arm around the President, sticks his hand out in a sweeping motion over their surroundings. "This, Mr. President, is what we must preserve. This, is America."   That day, our National Parks were born in earnest. Now, while that story is no doubt mythologized
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